...bailey's story...

Our story is a story about a MIRACLE. It is not the kind of miracle that is so often shared in Christian circles. We have heard stories about untreatable cancer that disappeared and of a child that was never supposed to walk or talk and is now a healthy adult. These are often the kinds of stories people share with you when you are experiencing difficult circumstances. Stories about the TRAGEDY that was avoided or the near miss that is now in the rear view mirror of life. We value these types of stories and we CELEBRATE them!

Ours was not that kind of story. Our daughter Bailey Hope was born on February 20, 2009. She died on August 13, 2010. The eighteen months in between were horrible and heart wrenching as we experienced our worst fears coming true. We were not rescued FROM heartache and tragedy.

Our miracle was that we were joined IN this journey by friends and family that gave of themselves and by our GOD who held us in unexplainable ways. This is our story. We do not share it to garner pity. There are others who have similar stories. There are so many others who have more tragic stories.

We share our story because it is impossible to talk about our beautiful daughter, without talking about our beautiful God. We must talk about our daughter. We must talk about our God. It is the MIRACLE behind the MIRACLE.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Bottle of Tears

I have, and continue to be amazed by God's love for us.  I was especially feeling God's overwhelming love on Monday.   

For no particular reason it was a very difficult grieving day for me, but I'm learning that's just the nature of grief - it comes when it comes, without warning, with overwhelming strength. 

 Later that day, a dear friend sent me an email of a blog entry that she had read earlier that made her think of me. (Coincidence - I think not!)  I was so grateful for these words, they were truly a gift from God and came on the most perfect day. 

My Bottle of Tears by Kristi Huseby (http://brokenandredeemed-kristi.blogspot.com/)

I confess I’m a crier. I cry at movies, at baseball games when the National Anthem is played, at graduations, weddings, funerals. I cry when I hear a sad story, when someone else cries, when I share what God has done in my life, when I’m angry and when I laugh hard enough.

I hate the fact that I cry so easily. It can be incredibly embarrassing for one thing. And for another, it puts people in an awkward position. But crying can be a good thing!

God created tears. It is in His design that we cry.

I love the Psalms! Because they give us beautiful pictures of what our intimate relationship with God is like. And Psalm 57:8 (NLV) gives us one of those snapshots of God’s tenderness with us when we are experiencing incredible sorrow in our life.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

(Yes, I’m sure I have a very BIG bottle!)

God not only keeps track of all our sorrows, hurts and heartaches – He has recorded them in His book and every tear we’ve cried He has stored in our bottle, the one He keeps just for us.

I wonder, does my bottle have my name on it? Is it a special color? Does God, my Father look at my bottle full of tears and say? “Aaah, that one is my daughter Kristi’s. See her bottle of tears, they are so precious to me, I treasure each one. I am intimately acquainted with all her ways and I love her. When she has cried tears that no one sees, I have seen, I know and cherish each one because I cherish her.”

What a beautiful gentle picture this is of our God! - a Father who tenderly collects our tears and holds them close to His heart.

Have you ever stopped to consider that God is keeping track of all your sorrows? That He knows each one of them. He has seen you cry until you can’t cry any more. He has witnessed your heartache over a difficult child, a wayward spouse, a broken friendship, or the death of a loved one. He has seen your tears when you have cried all alone in the dark, not sure of where to turn or where to go. He has recorded each one in His book and collected your tears in the bottle He has just for you. How precious you are to Him!

So let the tears flow and know that your God cares for you intimately and with great passion!
Thank You God for loving me just as I am, IMPERFECT.

Sunday, 14 August 2011


As a parent you dream about all kinds of firsts.  First smiles, first words, first steps, first birthdays, and first days of school.  A few days ago, I came across Bailey's baby book, and I was confronted once again with the harsh reality of all the firsts we never had, or ever will have with our precious daughter. 
Through my tears, I was reflecting on this past year of firsts.  The kind you pray that you will never experience.  The first birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and family photos without your precious loved one present.  After lots of tears (and believe me there were a lot) I called my best friend.  First he just listened and then he said, "Heather, our beautiful daughter is the first to experience pure joy, she is the first to sit at Jesus' feet, she has experienced the best kind of firsts."  I was so grateful for Matt's words, they brought me such comfort, and a much needed perspective.  
 We have lived through a lot of our firsts without Bailey, and while we desperately miss her presence, her sweet coos, and delicate curls.  We praise God daily that he rescued our beautiful daughter from her suffering. 
We miss you Bailey, and we can't wait to experience "firsts" with you in Heaven. 

Sunday, 8 May 2011

selfless sacrifice

i can't help but think of the selfless sacrifice both of our mom's have made for us the past three years.  they have denied thier own plans and dreams to be readily available for Matt and I, and our children.  so thank you to my mothers who have given up so much for us, and have been such an example of a mothers love.  you are both so appreciated and loved beyond words.  happy mothers day!

Sunday, 24 April 2011


This Easter has been such a powerful reminder of our helplessness and inadequacy in contrast to His power and sufficiency.

As Heather and I talked this week, and grieved for others in our community who have experienced unimaginable loss, we were reminded of the incredible faithfulness of God in our lives.  Heather remarked that it is impossible to talk about our daughter Bailey without talking about our God.

In a beautiful book by Nancy Guthrie Called Holding on to Hope she describes genuine worship as "the words that flow from our lips and the works that flow out of our lives...to glorify God and honor him for who he is and what he has done."

Father we desire to lift up Your name as high as we can for as long as we live. 
       "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Sunday, 20 February 2011

2 years...

Taking in today....crossing lines between joy and grief.

we remember sweet Bailey Hope.
oh how we miss your beautiful eyes...
they said more than words could even begin to speak.
your sweet sugary cheeks...snuggling you in your favorite
fuzzy blankets and listening to songs that put you to sleep.
you are missed sweet child...by so many..you are missed.

we celebrate you Alexis Joy.
you turn 2 today. you bring such joy to everyone
who spends time with you. your infectious smile and contagious
giggles remind us that in the midst of devastation, God is near.
that He remains steady...bringing your precious family joy alongside

we love you.
we remain sitting with you...crossing lines with you.