I have learned many things from my children, when I have been willing to listen and have a teachable spirit. They see the world so clearly - it's not clouded by past hurts, bioses, etc - there hearts are pure and beautiful, and they are willing to take emotional risks. My daughter McKenzie has taught me, and reminded me on several occasions about the importance and beauty of "joining."
A few short months after Bailey had died, the kids and I were watching her video. I was crying so McKenzie came over and just sat beside me. Without saying a word, she reached over and placed her hand over my heart, and pressed firmly. After a few moments of silence she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Mommy, I'm just going to hold your heart so it doesn't hurt so bad." I was speechless - my five year old understood that nothing - no actions or words - could fix this kind of hurt, she knew that sometimes the best thing is to simply offer our presence. She "joined" me in the pain of that moment, and in her joining me she opened herself up to feel my pain, and also acknowledge her own. It was beautiful.
"Joining" can be risky business. It opens you up, you become vulnerable.
This past week some very dear friends of ours, watched their mother die. In "joining" them it was painful. I hated knowing that they watched someone they loved die. In entering their pain, I also had to acknowledge my own. -- I hated watching our daughter slowly die. I hated watching my husband carry her broken body out to the hurst knowing that I would never hold her, feel her, or smell her body again this side of eternity. -- These friends fully entered into our pain, holding our hearts and acknowledging the pain of living in a fallen world. They could have easily chosen to not "join" us, but we are so grateful they didn't. Because they were willing to feel our pain they lessened it by letting us know we were not alone. They also blessed us greatly when they allowed us to "join" them in their pain and grieve for them and with them.
So sometimes joining hurts, it really hurts; but it also carries the potential for tremendous blessings. I think of so many who "joined" us in our walk with Bailey. If they would have protected themselves and not allowed themselves to really enter into our story they would have missed out on knowing one of the most beautiful treasures, Bailey Hope. She was truly beautiful and reflected God in a way I had never seen or experienced.
I can't imagine how empty life would be if I didn't allow myself to "join" others, and if others didn't ask or allow us to "join" them. We would have missed out on so much.
When we are willing to live life with others and "join" them and allow them to "join" us, we experience true community, and I believe in those moments we get a glimpse of Heaven.
Thank you McKenzie for the beautiful picture of "joining." Thank you Ben and Jaren for allowing us, and entrusting us to "join" you, we love you and grieve for you. Finally, thank you to our family and friends, and even strangers who were courageous enough to "join" us when we needed you most. We are truly grateful.
