Firsts

As a parent you dream about all kinds of firsts.  First smiles, first words, first steps, first birthdays, and first days of school.  A few days ago, I came across Bailey's baby book, and I was confronted once again with the harsh reality of all the firsts we never had, or ever will have with our precious daughter. 
Through my tears, I was reflecting on this past year of firsts.  The kind you pray that you will never experience.  The first birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and family photos without your precious loved one present.  After lots of tears (and believe me there were a lot) I called my best friend.  First he just listened and then he said, "Heather, our beautiful daughter is the first to experience pure joy, she is the first to sit at Jesus' feet, she has experienced the best kind of firsts."  I was so grateful for Matt's words, they brought me such comfort, and a much needed perspective.  
 We have lived through a lot of our firsts without Bailey, and while we desperately miss her presence, her sweet coos, and delicate curls.  We praise God daily that he rescued our beautiful daughter from her suffering. 
We miss you Bailey, and we can't wait to experience "firsts" with you in Heaven. 

selfless sacrifice

i can't help but think of the selfless sacrifice both of our mom's have made for us the past three years.  they have denied thier own plans and dreams to be readily available for Matt and I, and our children.  so thank you to my mothers who have given up so much for us, and have been such an example of a mothers love.  you are both so appreciated and loved beyond words.  happy mothers day!

Easter

This Easter has been such a powerful reminder of our helplessness and inadequacy in contrast to His power and sufficiency.


As Heather and I talked this week, and grieved for others in our community who have experienced unimaginable loss, we were reminded of the incredible faithfulness of God in our lives.  Heather remarked that it is impossible to talk about our daughter Bailey without talking about our God.

In a beautiful book by Nancy Guthrie Called Holding on to Hope she describes genuine worship as "the words that flow from our lips and the works that flow out of our lives...to glorify God and honor him for who he is and what he has done."


Father we desire to lift up Your name as high as we can for as long as we live. 
       "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord."

2 years...

Taking in today....crossing lines between joy and grief.

we remember sweet Bailey Hope.
oh how we miss your beautiful eyes...
they said more than words could even begin to speak.
your sweet sugary cheeks...snuggling you in your favorite
fuzzy blankets and listening to songs that put you to sleep.
you are missed sweet child...by so many..you are missed.

we celebrate you Alexis Joy.
you turn 2 today. you bring such joy to everyone
who spends time with you. your infectious smile and contagious
giggles remind us that in the midst of devastation, God is near.
that He remains steady...bringing your precious family joy alongside
grief.

we love you.
we remain sitting with you...crossing lines with you.

Season of Pause

Our experience with the life and death of our daughter Bailey has not ended.  It does not sit tied up in a nice, neat, and easily understood package.  We are not who we were, nor are we who we will be.  Heather and I continue to "sit" in a place of allowing and longing to be changed by this experience.  We are acutely aware of our desperate need for God.  There is an intermingled sense of profound sadness and of genuine worship for Jehovah Shammah (ever present one) in our hearts and in our home.  We are taking an intentional season of pause with the hope that we will emerge healthy and whole, both as individuals and as a family.  It is our prayer that this wound will heal into a scar that is a visible and visceral reminder of His faithfulness.

Bailey's Journey

Sharing some of our most precious moments with our daughter...

oh, how we miss her so.  We cling only to the hope of heaven,

that we will one day hold our sweet Bailey again.


A few technical notes...

before you watch it,
go to the bottom of our blog
and 'pause' the playlist. 

if you watch it full screen,
it will be very pixelated because
we had to downsize it to fit the blog size.

Thank you

We want to say thank you to the countless family members, friends, co-workers and even those we do not know for the incredible love and support they have given.  So many individuals and families have given selflessly in such beautiful and unique ways.  We have been blessed. Thank you.